Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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