did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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