Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
