i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
