Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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