That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
