I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
