he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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