wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
