Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
