I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
