wat bout pragnant strippers??
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
