yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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