when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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