im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
