Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
