I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
