He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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