Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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