RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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