Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
