I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
