Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
this is an emotional support booty call
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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