So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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