You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
