D3 body, D1 cock
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
