dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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