you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize