I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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