Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
