I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
