just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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