ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
