What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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