Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm at about main and main street
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
