I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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