I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
