Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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