I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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