she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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