bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
