i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
