I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
