community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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