Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
