i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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