I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
