Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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