hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
