Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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