and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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