I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
