i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
