So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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