I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
