You were right. It hurts to walk today.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
