I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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