Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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