I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
