Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
