Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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