First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
