If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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