I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dick very happy bro
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
